Written by queen mudder
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Wednesday, 6 August 2014

image for Howard Schultz Joins Hamptons' Kings Of Rubbish In Highway Adoption Sign Scheme
Probably Roman Abramovich sponsoring this Gin Lane site

Long Island, New York - It's the ultimate Hamptons must-have, your very own personally sponsored highway hoarding giving directions to...the nearest trash dumpster!

And it's got Starbucks CEO Howard Schultz chomping at the bit after a Gracie Lane neighbor pipped him to the post with her latest erection.

Yep, the billboard in question proudly proclaims Litter Removal Next 1Mile Sponsored By Martha Stewart, something of a coup for the Hamptons' former jailbird.

"First time I saw it my husband said maybe it's part of her Community Service parole scheme," Jonine commented, "similar to Naomi Campbell hosing down public rest rooms in Times Square."

Stewart is one of a new elite of megabucks Long Islanders self publicising their presence via the highway direction signs scheme.

Another in on the scam is the well known Hollywood actor Richard Gere, who resides at a $30m Sag Harbor mansion called 'Strangeheart'.

He's sponsoring the main hoarding at the corner of Montauk Highway and Route 27 giving directions to the nearest organic waste recycling point (NB No fecal matter allowed).

Meanwhile in Parsonage Lane, Sagaponack, virtually outside Goldman Sachs CEO Lloyd Blankfein's magnificent spread is the road sign he's personally backing that says 500 Yds First Left, Long Island Pawnbrokers.

Just in case the GPS on the Starbucks CEO's Hummer fails to pick up on the spot.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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