Written by D P Whitehead
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Topics: Trolls

Friday, 8 August 2014

image for Troll Losing Sleep Worrying About Book Lists
Sad, Lonely and Strange BUT determined To Defend Her Lists At All Costs

A prolific book reviewer on a popular book reviewing website (and troll cave) has began taking ambien and Xanax to help her sleep after spending countless nights wide awake and worrying about how certain books appeared on her "lists" on the troll infested website.

Beth Varicose, 57 - who suffers not only from extreme flatulence but gout, a hunchback and lice infested hair posted on her page - "I do not understand how a book with only 250 reviews can get 280 votes on the list I created -'Books That Make Me Want To Eat EVEN More Cake'"

Hideous looking spinster Varicose, who lives alone in North Florida, has been unable to sleep for 4 days, worrying about the complex algorithms - she has spent hours checking authors books, profiles and "getting to the bottom of this scandal".

Posting under the "troll" pseudonym "Miss Demeanor" she complains "Our precious lists are being hijacked! I don't care about the Ebola virus, war in Ukraine, Israel or the economy - I just want answers to this - I can't sleep, I am unable to function - I am wearing adult diapers because I can not afford to spend more than 30 seconds away from the internet searching for answers. I have lost my job and am sick with worry"

She then goes on to use multiple exclamation marks, question marks and begins to shout using BIG LETTERS.

Since this article has been written she has soiled herself twice.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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