MONROVIA, LIBERIA--An Ebola virus today tweeted: "Heard Donald Trump will visit Africa in a few days. Please don't let this form of vermin in. Keep Donald Trump out of here!"
The Ebola virus was apparently responding to rumors that Donald Trump is poised to host an episode of Celebrity Apprentice in the west African nation of Liberia. Said Trump: "I think the capital of Liberia, the beautiful city of Monrovia, needs a strong shot of capitalism to lift the whole country into the twenty-first century. I'm hoping that producing an episode of Celebrity Apprentice there will employ at least fifty or sixty Libertarians-er, I mean, Liberians."
The Ebola virus, interviewed via satellite from Liberia by Robin Roberts of Good Morning America, explained, "Look: West Africa has enough problems at this point, with poverty, civil war, and me and my buddies. Do we really need to introduce still another form of vermin into our country?"
Although Mr. Ebola said that he would like to keep Donald Trump out of Liberia, and indeed all of Africa, he did say he would be happy to come to America to visit Mr. Trump, adding, "Sure. I'd be glad to let Mr. Trump host me for a couple of weeks, or however long it takes to help Americans get rid of this vermin."