Written by Cereal and Milk
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Sunday, 3 August 2014

image for Man Sends E-Mails Filled With Anthrax

Tired of all this "Pencil pushing bullshit," Staples accountant William Black, snapped and sent hundreds of e-mails filled with anthrax to his friends, family and co-workers. His vile act sparked mild irritation among the hearts of his annoyances.

"One second I'm feeling all good watching a cat trying to be people, then I hear a ding and open my e-mail to a face full of anthrax. Not cool, bro," said chief advisor Chelsea Peg.

Thankfully, many of the intended targets managed to avoid the same fate via protective measures they had in place, such as public relations officer Bill Colt. He said, "Every morning when I log into my PC, I go to my e-mail and click the delete all button. It's a very effective technique to clear your mind and avoid anything work or anthrax related."

Another indicator that can prevent opening a deadly e-mail is if the subject header reads "ANTHRAX ANTHRAX ANTHRAX." Usually, this is a good sign not to open the e-mail.

When asked if there was anything that could have been done to prevent the outburst, assistant manager Adam Kingsley said, "Today, it's always the people you least expect. When I walked past his cubicle, I saw him pants unbuckled, foaming at the mouth, and I decided to make an executive decision and not do anything. I'd say it turned out alright"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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