Cape Canaveral, FL - NASA officials have announced the Hubble Telescope has spotted an object leaving our solar system at breakneck speed and believe the vessel is carrying Lois Lerner's missing IRS emails.
The rocket was not launched by NASA and Hubble pictures were only able to see the words "US Govt Property: LL IRS Hard Drives" stamped on the side of the rocket. The telescope was doing some routine picture taking of a distant galaxy when it noticed the rocket speeding by.
Mission Control Specialist, Tom Grisham, told us that whoever launched the rocket must have really wanted it to be lost forever because it was traveling faster than any known man-made object NASA has ever recorded before.
"You have to wonder," Grisham asked, "if whatever was on that rocket was something so damaging that it could end someone's career? Or maybe even a Presidency?"
Ten minutes after making the previous statement, Mr. Grisham was taken into custody by government officials and has not been heard from since. He may be in his own rocket, heading out into deep space by now.
His replacement at NASA denies having any knowledge of Hubble spotting any unusual activity now or at any time in the recent past.
So what if, at some time in the future, the rocket and its cargo are discovered by another civilization? They will certainly learn a lot about the dirty nature of politics and how to cover up a crime.
Or perhaps they will simply stamp it with 'Return to Sender' and we will get to the bottom of the scandal in another time, when all the players from the IRS are long gone.
In any case, the only way this could have been a win for the United States was if the entire IRS agency had been loaded onto that rocket and sent on a long ride to terrorize other worlds besides ours.