Written by Vondrook
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Topics: Comedy, funny, humor, Sarcasm

Wednesday, 23 July 2014

Your Home, USA - Sources have reported that the child you have abandoned years ago is on your front step right now and is gearing up to knock on your door.

The child, who was conceived 13 years ago at a Red Roof Inn Motel out by the airport, has taken a determined interest in finding you these past few months and thanks to the internet believes to have found you.

"Aw, dude, you're so effed," reports confirmed.

The awkward teenager, who has its hand raised and is unwittingly about to make its life worse for having met you, is a 7th grade student at St. Luke's Grammar School. The student is regarded as an average, if not a little slow, student with not much potential.

There is the possibility of you feigning surprise when answering the door, but experts agree you don't have the acting chops for that. But you are inevitably going to answer it, seeing as you have recently ordered something from Amazon.

"It is doubtful you will even let the kid come inside," sources report. "Even as the kid is telling you all this information, most of your thoughts will be about getting back to your bowl of Frosted Flakes before they get soggy."

The most daunting question of course will be to answer the kid when you are posed to rationalize why you didn't love the kid enough to keep it.

"It's going to be a fucking disaster," critics concluded. "For you, for the kid… for everyone involved, really. The only hope is that you learn something from this experience, so you can deal with it better the next time it happens."

Yes, that is correct. The next time it happens.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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