Written by Matt Birkenhauer
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Friday, 18 July 2014

image for Bridge Collapses, Drowning 22 Tea Party Activists

HUNTINGTON, WV--The Robert C. Byrd Bridge, a bridge spanning the Ohio River between Chesapeake, OH and Huntington, WV, collapsed on Thursday, killing twenty-two members of the Tea Party Movement. The Tea Party activists were reportedly on their way to protest President Obama's event calling for more spending on the nation's infrastructure at the closed I-495 Bridge, which spans Delaware's Christina River.

Miraculously the only vehicle on the bridge at the time was the bus carrying the Tea Party activists to the event. Twenty-two of the thirty-nine activists on the bus drowned.

The Robert C. Byrd Bridge, which had not been inspected since its opening in 1994, had not been on the large list of crumbling bridges in the US, and caught everyone by surprise, including the activists, when it suddenly collapsed.

The scene where the bridge collapsed was devastating, say witnesses. One local witness, Jordan Beard, described a scene littered with bodies and signs that read "Obamanashen" and "Folow the Constutition." Said another witness at the scene, a retired teacher from the local primary school, "I've never seen so many misspelled words since I taught Special Ed. fifteen years ago!"

The head of the lobbying group Freedom Works, Matt Kibbe, was among the fatalities in the tragic accident. One of the survivors, who managed to survive the collapsed bridge by swimming to shore, said she heard Kibbe's last words, which were, "No taxation without---blub blub blub blub, gulp."

Tea Party megastar Sarah Palin was also on the bus with the Tea Party activists, but, according to EMT personnel at the scene, did not drown because her inflated ego kept her afloat until help arrived.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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