Written by E. Williams
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Friday, 18 July 2014

image for Virginia Woman Sues Joe Biden After Being Blinded by His Bright Smile
Staffers have to wear sunglasses at all times around the VP.

Fairfax, VA - A local woman has filed charges against Vice-President Biden because she claims that during a speech he gave recently, which the plaintiff attended, Mr. Biden flashed his pearly whites at the woman and temporarily blinded her.

The woman, who we will call Jeff to protect her real identity, claims the VP smiled his cheesy, Joker-like smile in her direction and she was unable to see for the next ten days.

"He had just finished making some gaffe which I can't recall at this time," Jeff unrecalled, "and I saw his lips part, then this bright light. Then things got fuzzy."

"I grabbed my friend by the arm and yelled to her that I couldn't see anything but a white light and my friend started screaming at me to 'Stay away from the light! Don't go into the light!' I guess she thought I was dying."

Jeff is suing the Vice-President as well as Crest White Strips who he/she blames for the over whitening of Mr. Biden's choppers. "If I had my way, they would charge him with Imbleachment and have his teeth removed from office!"

Mr. Biden has said the charges are without merit and that Jeff's lawsuit's bark is worse than his cross bite. "I take care of my teeth," Biden said, "and if someone catches some glare accidentally, well, so be it."

Dental Gossip TV show, TMJ, has reported that Jeff may have a case if he can prove the Vice-President over-whitened with intent to harm. Jeff told us he/she intends to lawyer up.

"Look, I understand wanting to have a nice, white smile," Jeff insisted. "But that guy looks evil when he bares every tooth with that wicked smile of his. It's like it's his superpower or something."

As Jeff's eyesight continues to heal, he/she just wanted to remind those who go crazy on the teeth whitening to also think of innocent bystanders and to bleach responsibly.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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