Written by susan allen-rosario
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Topics: Death, Prison, Hospital, frogs

Friday, 18 July 2014

image for Giant killer frogs attack nurses at prison hospital
"Ever tried cuffin' a frog?"

Monroe, Wa. Correction officers at MCC (Monroe Correctional Complex) in Washington State have reported several unprovoked attacks by giant mutant frogs on workers at the prison.

" They seem to be focused on the nursing staff;" officer Shirley L. states. I had to pull one off a nurse's leg just yesterday. It sunk its' fang like teeth into her thigh before I could get it off her and put the little bugger in hand-cuffs. Ever tried cuffin' a frog? Not an easy task, and I've cuffed some pretty wild characters in my time, but this was not something I trained for or could have even imagined."

Prison officials say they plan to implement a tactical frog action plan into their service training. They have also called on several frog experts in the area to evaluate the problem. "We have no clue as to why these frogs have it out for our nurses."

Dr. Kermit of the National Center for Amphibian Health and Welfare, states he has a theory as to why the frogs are targeting nurses." Part of the nursing program these nurses have gone though as a course of study involves dissecting and tearing frog bodies into tiny bits, removing the skin and studying their anatomy. Frogs for generations have passed on stories of this mutilation and dismemberment to their young tadpoles as cautionary tales to prevent them from being caught in the nets of the frog catchers and would be mutilators. I believe this new generation of frogs for whatever reason is acting on these tales passed down to them through the ages. Why here and why now? That is what I intend to find out."

Herbert W. Wilson of Sunny Dive Farm thinks he knows the answer. "Them frogs has been eatin' that poop from that sewage plant down by the river yonder. Some of them are bigger than my dog. I saw one the other day drivin' a tractor. Damn thing didn't even have a license! And I tell you what. I heard one of them break wind and a flame six inches long shot out its' rear and that ain't no joke. Thought I'd seen and heard it all. Next thing one of those damn things will be wantin' to marry my daughter!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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