Washington D.C. - President Obama thinks he hit a home run today with his solution to the ever-looming Keystone Pipeline project that has been haunting him for several years now.
The president has decided to have the pipeline constructed and use it for a type of 'underground railroad' to move illegal immigrants from the southern border up into Canada, where they can then be dispersed throughout that country or migrate back south into the United States.
He feels his base will be happy because the pipeline won't be delivering that nasty oil they hate so much. He also thinks he will gain favor with some on the right because of the thousands of jobs that will be created to build the pipeline.
In addition, the president feels the solution will get governors of states along the southern border off his back because it will alleviate the backed up hoards of immigrants that are currently creating a logistical nightmare for those states.
Currently, no states are clamoring to receive the illegals coming into the country so, this way, they will travel through the pipeline, come out the Canadian end sight unseen by Americans, and then drift around and settle in different areas.
This method will be much less public than sending buses or planes full of immigrants into communities as the government has been trying to do until now.
Canadian officials are delighted at the news about the pipeline project but do not want the huddled masses coming into their country either, to which President Obama politely remarked, "That's not my problem."
When asked whether the American public might be outraged that the president isn't really solving the immigration problem but is really just shifting the problem to other areas, Mr. Obama quickly snapped, "That's how I solve EVERY problem. Next question!"