Written by El Capitaz
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Wednesday, 16 July 2014

image for Bowe Bergdahl Captured by Immigration Reform Activists
Confused soldiers gather together for support.

Seargant Bowe Bergdahl, the soldier held prisoner by the Taliban in Afghanistan for five years, is reportedly once again a Prisoner of War. Just days after being returned to active duty, the Pentagon announced today that Bergdahl sent his father an email stating that he was disillusioned by his return to freedom, and that he was leaving to start a new life.

Unconfirmed reports from soldiers in his unit claim he left a hand-writen note behind, in which he praised the immigrants surging across the Texas border, and said he was going to make contact with the human trafficking cartels who facilitate the surge in order to render them aid and assistance.

Shortly thereafter, Bergdahl went missing, and the next day the pentagon received video of the snake-bit soldier, being held at an undisclosed location, chanting "viva la raza".

Once again the Obama administration is in negotiations for his release.

This time, Bergdahl's captors are demanding immediate, unconditional amnesty for all illegal immigrants currently in the US, in return for Bergdahl's release. President Obama is said to have countered with an offer of immediate, uncondition amnesty for all immigrants currently in the US, as well as for any who wants to illegally enter the country, but who has not yet had a chance to to so.

"We're not going to turn someone away, just because they didn't get the memo, or just because they haven't had a chance to save up the several thousand dollars to pay the fee to the coyotes" said the President. "That's why I've asked congress to provide funds to deal with this humanitarian crisis."

The human trafficking and drug smuggling cartels and their 'coyotes', for whom smuggling illegal immigrants into the US is a big business, are said to be mulling over the offer. The only stickng point is the fee per immigrant, with the cartels trying to keep the fee above 5 thousand dollars per future democratic voter, while Obama has privately urged them to accept slightly less per person, claiming a few billion is about all he'll be able to get out of congress to pay that right now.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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