Washington D.C. - Next month, after a grueling schedule of signing executive orders, President Obama and his family will take a two week vacation to the dilapidated ruins of Martha's Vineyard, Mass., for some much needed rest.
The president's pen and phone will be flown in by the Air Force One helicopter and separately from the family and the presidential dog.
In recent weeks, President Obama has been complaining of carpal tunnel type symptoms and doctors think it is due to his constant overuse of his executive authority, stemming from his belief that he rules the country by decree.
During the two week vacation, the president will receive daily hand and wrist massages, water therapy, and electrical stimulation to the nerves in his overworked hands.
Mr. Obama already suffers from arthritis in his middle finger on both hands from constantly flipping off Republicans and the American people.
Doctors commented to us that every other part of the president's body seems to be well rested and in good shape. His writing hand appears to be the only part of his anatomy that is being overused at this time.
Staff have worked up mock executive orders for the president to sign as part of his rehabilitative therapy. Their hope is that he will be strong enough to continue bypassing Congress after some down time.
While the president works hard to strengthen the tendons in his pen and phone hand, the First Lady will spend her time shoving carrots, tomatoes and arugula down the throats of locals.
The first daughters will catch some fun in the sun and enjoy spending taxpayer money on souvenirs and other useless junk.
When FLOTUS was asked how she reconciled the first family going on a lavish vacation while the poor languished at the border, the First Lady responded, "Let them eat cake!"