New York - Former first lady Hillary Clinton has decided to take a break from her current book tour to listen to her latest muse - her own current book tour.
"I looked in the mirror the other day, and I realized that my disastrous book tour could be a great self-help book to others who are writing books. Don't do what I did if you want a proper book roll out." Mrs. Clinton said.
Hillary has made plenty of mistakes and gaffes during her latest tour to give her more than enough chapters for a new book any time she wants to write or ghost write one.
"Rule number one is to make sure you are completely cured from 'foot-in-mouth' disease before you go on tour!" Clinton cackled. "I forgot how truly out of touch I was with the peasants around the country and that really came back to bite me."
"Another chapter could be about not arguing or becoming combative towards your interviewer. That seems to not go over well with viewers for some reason."
"Look, I'm a bitch. I get it. But I need you assholes to buy my damn book whether it's worth the paper it's printed on or not! Bill and I have mansion mortgages to pay!"
"Sorry, I'm doing it again. I'm sorry. See? I'm just not really very good at this. My real strength is just insisting people vote for me for president in 2016 simply because I feel it's my turn, and not based on any real accomplishments I've achieved."
Mrs. Clinton then told us she was leaving to go to one of her multi-million dollar homes to lay out by her pool and get some sun. She said she would like to take a swim in the pool but they hadn't been able to fill it with water yet because it was still full of unsold copies of her latest book.