Written by Frank Michaels
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Sunday, 6 July 2014

image for Global Warming -or- How I Learned To Stop Worrying and Love the End of Civilization
Kago Island... where ever it's at.

Rambutt, Twaingo Province, UN Building, Kago Island, South Pacific (STT News) Today, news was finally released on the bitter facts of Preferred Acquired Global Warming (PAGW) and what to expect in the centuries before us.

On the small island of Kago, somewhere in the Pacific that is on no map known to Google and will someday disappear due not to volcanic activity but somehow or someway to Much-Assumed Gorian Climate Change (MAGCC), the United Nations' Institute on Preferred Pain (UNIPP) offered this:

"Give up and stop the denial. You have no right to doubt us, no right to question us, no hope whatsoever in any form at all. Global Warming is already connected to toenail fungus, premature male pattern baldness, acne, toothaches, foot callouses, traffic jams during rush hour, puddles after a thundershower, potholes in your roadways, awful examples of leadership in the highest offices on the planet, bossy first ladies, litterbugs, overpriced pints of ale, barking dogs, meowing cats, hooting owls, stinky roadkill, ants, flies and toilets that simply don't flush."

After the press release, some 27 of the world's top paid semi-professional scientists were then carefully exiled to a smaller island nearby where they will be held of their own free will for no less than an unknown number of years and fed foods that meet certain UN specifications that do not include meat (except for insects) or vegetables.

In the US, President Obama has applied his Holy Ink Pen to sign an Executive Order that outlaws charcoal barbecue grills, fireplaces, fireworks, campfires, guns, slingshots, spitballs, American flags, frisbees, hotdogs (except for Nathan's in NY), birdbaths and, of course, all bird feeders.

The President stated very clearly, "Birds exhale more carbon dioxide than my wife!"

With this order, all birds are now illegal, including the Bald Eagle.

Meanwhile in Texas, former president 'Dubya' Bush was seen humping a dead possum alongside the road just outside of Austin...

... film at 11.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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