Written by Evan Essence
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Topics: George W. Bush, GOP

Sunday, 19 November 2006

image for GOP Leadership Now Supports Impeachment of Bush

The lobbyists representing the vested interests controlling the GOP's representatives in Congress...still reeling from their dramatic losses of both houses of congress...are starting to agree that George Bush, himself, and his fanatical support for an unpopular war in Iraq, is solely to blame for costing them billions of dollars in lost pork-barrel revenue.

Stogey Scuttlebutt, a lobbyist for the Tobacco Industry, has expressed horror at the resurgence of Democratic Party control of Congress. Tobacco Industry lobbyists have traditionally been the pragmatists who have woven together the special interests constituting the backbone of the GOP, beneath the thin veneer of self-righteousness, presented by activists from the religious right.

"We stand to lose hundreds of millions of dollars, from a flurry of anti-smoking legislation this session," Scuttlebutt bemoaned. "And next, these Democrats may outlaw smoking altogether! And that crazy George Bush keeps talking about continuing to fight the war that got us into the pickle that we are in now! He's going to sink us all, with his arrogance. And think of all the loss of innocent life in Iraq..."

Gregory Lancet, a lobbyist for the health insurance industry, agrees. "Look what Bush has gotten for us! The stocks for HMO's (Healthcare Minimization Organizations) are already plummeting! George Bush just doesn't get it!. We had complete control of both Houses, and could get anything we wanted. Now we've got nothing. We need to join together with Democrats to remove Bush from office, so the GOP can recover before the next election. If we continue to make the same mistakes, the Democrats will make more gains in the next election, and will then have enough clout to enact Universal Heath Insurance, guaranteeing real healthcare for every man, woman and child in America. And we will be the ones to lose hundreds of billions of dollars if that happens!"

George Toker from the pharmaceutical industry agreed. "Already the Democrats are going to allow the government to break our protectionist monopoly on price gauging, and give consumers a price they can afford. That will only allow patients to recover faster, from serious illness, and in the long-run we will lose billions of dollars. We are the ones who bankroll the Republican Party, and George Bush is just sinking our ship, by holding the line on Iraq. Lets get rid of him, now, so we can work to regain a stranglehold on the legislative process in the next election."

Harvard professor of political science, Barney Hampton, remarked "The one thing we all learned from the Viet Nam War...a war which really had no purpose...is that the only reason it perpetuated itself as the longest war in American history, is because it was a make-work project for the Military-Industrial Complex. Now these same people are in power, fighting another war which has no purpose, and can't possibly be won. Everything they say, will be a dishonest justification for continuing the war, because that's the only work they do, and without it they will be out of a job.. The military-industrial complex, with is exhorbitant wasteful spending, is the cancer that is destroying America, and now it is taking the GOP with it."

Hampton continued, "It has already been widely reported on the internet, that George Bush recently began purchasing 99,000 acres of land in Paraguay, in a region that is historically safe for war criminals. We have already put $261 billion into the War in Iraq...much of it going into Halliburton's coffers. Bush and Cheney know impeachment is coming, but if they can succeed in putting away a few more billion dollars, they expect their retirement in Paraguay to be all the more lucrative."

Editors note: Evan Essence recieved his Masters Degree in Journalism (2003), and his PhD in Political Science (2004) from House-of-Spam Internet Marketing

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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