Written by Kevin Nelson
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Topics: School, Kids, Guns, NRA

Tuesday, 1 July 2014

image for NRA Endorses "Kill Your Own School Lunch Program"

The NRA and GOP have finally found a free school lunch program that they feel comfortable endorsing. The "Kill Your Own School Lunch Program" is a pilot program in selected rural areas that teaches firearm safety, hunting, trapping and self sufficiency to elementary school age children.

The children are taught to hunt, kill, clean and prepare their school lunches instead of playing during recess like a bunch of little sissies, the kids are transported to a near by wooded area and taught to hunt down and kill their lunch.

The children who fail at the task have to learn failure means an empty belly and have to watch the successful kids pig out.

NRA member and school principal Rick Moore tells us, "Some of the kids freak out at the blood and gore, some even throw up occasionally or pass out but it's a good experience for them to learn how to be self sufficient and take charge.

"Some liberals take issue with us teaching kids to use fire arms at school with all the left wing hype about guns and kids and all. It's all hogwash, our kids are allowed to take their guns to school as long as they keep them in their lockers and the safety is on, it's O.K. with our local school board.

"The rumor that a few of our kids in the program have killed and dismembered local pets is a complete and utter fabrication. I'm offended by the notion that guns and school don't mix. In the proper setting and with expert instruction nothing could possible go wrong."

At that moment, a deer ran across the open field from our direction, the armed school children swung around and aimed their rifles simultaneously at the deer and opened fire. Both Principal Moore and I hit the dirt as bullets whizzed over our heads. Principal Moore caught a stray bullet in the buttocks and screamed out in pain.

The children, driven into a frenzy, all claimed the bullet ridden kill. Personnel at the scene placed a compress on the principal's wounded posterior and he was rushed to the hospital to tend to his less than fatal wound.

While the NRA and the school district have not cancelled the "Kill Your Own School Lunch Program" it is being suspended pending a review and for procedural modifications till further notice.

Principal Moore could not be reached for comment citing that they were awaiting the results of the school board inquiry.

At this date school lunches are again being provided by the school as an anonymous donor has paid for the school's current year's school lunch budget.

The NRA has declined to comment at this time.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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