Washington - The post of Official White House Mole Catcher has just been made redundant according to Big Oil drone footage around Pennsylvania Avenue.
A series of seismic jerks in the DC area - and no, we're not talking Kerry Kennedy this time! - has seen hydraulic fracturing blamed for the sudden migration of thousands of Neurotrichus Gibbsii, the subterranean American shrew mole.
This morning a colony fled its decades-long grace and favor home under the White House Rose Garden before suddenly popping up over the road in the basement of the US Treasury Building.
Secret Service mole men said they'd systematically gnawed their way through miles of sensitive fibre optic telecoms cables after using ground-penetrating radar to trace a twenty foot deep tunnel. Smart, huh.
"These critters must have burrowed eastwards via the Jackie Kennedy Garden," a Special Agent commented, "sure hope no JFK/Marilyn Monroe era corpses got disturbed."
It is thought to be the first time that fracking has successfully dislodged such a deeply entrenched colony which originally established itself at its White House dugout some time during the Watergate trial.
The Lady Bird Johnson sparrow fountain and fledgling birdbath will now be relocated close to the West Wing.