Philadelphia, PA-- Former first lady and secretary of state Hillary Clinton was spotted panhandling today outside a Starbux on Broad Street. Ms. Clinton was disguised in a dirty pink pantsuit and floppy hat, but her prominent cankles gave her away.
"Please give me something--my new book is a bomb and I'm broke." she whispered to any stranger who passed her way. She shook her empty Starbux coffee cup in desperation and brushed away a few tears from her bloated face.
Ms. Clinton then held up a crude sign made from cardboard. 'Will Work Reel Hard 4 Food' the sign said, with a clumsy drawing of the White House in the background.
Former first daughter Chelsea Clinton was also in town and only a block away from her mother. She was busy picking up aluminum cans from the filthy streets of the city. The local recycling plant pays five cents for each can.
"I'm pregnant and need money to feed my baby." she explained. "Can you spare $10 million?? she pleaded.
Only Bill Clinton seemed to be enjoying his visit to Philadelphia. He was busy picking up crack whores to give him some quick blow jobs.
"I'm doing my best to help the local economy." he stated as he unzipped his pants. "This is what built America."