Written by rfreed
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Friday, 27 June 2014

image for Scientists Discover That Potheads Cannot Recognize Connection Between Their Stash And Murderous Drug Cartels.
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Scientists have finally proven that there is a big disconnect in the minds of those heavily into pot. It has been long suspected that marijuana use has negative effects upon the brains and bodies of partakers, a claim equally long denied by the users.

"It is obvious from our recent studies that pot users cannot distinguish reality from fiction." put forth William Smartguy, head researcher at the Westmoreland Clinic for Studying Dopes and Dope Fiends. "Despite years of reports coming out of Mexico and Latin America of the atrocities committed by cartels involved in the marijuana trade they cannot escape their idea that weed is a harmless plant that makes everyone a happy hippie."

Doctor Smartguy performed experiments on hundreds of test subjects none of whom could see the connection between the viscous cartels and the delivery of their oh-so-precious weed that had become their very reason for living. "It doesn't matter how many beheadings, acid baths, hangings or shootings go on down there or even in the U.S., they either cannot see how they are connected to their usage or refuse to."

"Reality denial seems to come with constant pot usage. Why, we even had one guy who cut off his foot while mowing high and kept going, refusing to listen even when his wife picked it up and showed it to him."

"Just to give an example of how strong this refusal to recognize facts is, we did an experiment where we shipped a few of these test subjects down below the border with t-shirts on that said "Cartels suck!" and "American pot only!" on them, let them smoke up and set them free. We were able to see through micro cameras we had on them that these guys didn't even wake up to reality while the cartel strong-arms were hacking them to pieces with machetes."

In another experiment subjects were shown actual footage of cartel executions with head shots and beheadings and the bodies being dropped in tubs of acid afterwards to get rid of the evidence. All the participants had to say was "Cool, man! Awesome flick! Is that out on DVD yet?"

In closing Doctor Smartguy said to us that the only answer he could see to solve this problem would be for the pharmaceutical companies to invent a drug that would return a sense of reality to the users of drugs. This statement sent a shock of fear into all of the test participants, almost causing them to riot. "A drug that makes us see reality? Why, that is what we were trying to escape from when we used drugs in the first place!" said one participant in horror.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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