Written by Jackson Hoff
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Thursday, 26 June 2014

Ernest Tierney of Levenworth, North Dakota had been tormented by his friends, family members and even strangers since the above headline appeared in the local newspaper.

After suffering humiliation from friends, neighbors, strangers and even family members for weeks, a frustrated Mr. Tierney reportedly requested a press conference to deliver a formal response to the relentless harassment.

Described by townspeople as quiet, friendly and intelligent, Tierney comments were expected to be stern and forceful. Glen Kearns, a co-worker at Mom's Taxidermy, told reporters from surrounding news media that he was sure that "Stinky" would, like a "good dog that got kicked often enough" turn on his tormentors.

With the photographer at the ready and the cameras rolling, Tierney, without a word, simply turned his back to the cameras, and the crowd of onlookers and defecated in a pair of new dress pants, which he then dropped, apparently to erase any doubt as to the authenticity of the event.

A shocked and disgusted group of about 125 locals quickly dispersed. Mrs. Tierney, initially speechless, later said, "I know Ernie was up to something. He was acting very oddly for the last day or so. Then, about an hour before all of this, he looked at me and said, 'Julie, whatever happens out there today, know that I love you, and always will'. He was making me very nervous. But I never ever expected this."

Mr. Tierney refused to answer any questions. He simply lifted his pants, buckled them and walked back to the house. He reached the front steps, turned and shouted, "Stinks, doesn't it!"

At least one of the local publications issued a front-page apology the next day, after the infamous pants were delivered to their offices.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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