Written by SeanFallon
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Monday, 23 June 2014

After the Washington Redskins were forced to change their name, since it was deemed offensive by those who have nothing better to do than look for an excuse to be offended; now the precedent has been set for the entire NFL to be under attack.

Jeremiah Wright's congregation attacked New England's team, claiming that the name "Patriot" is racist, because it stands for people who love this nation that enslaved and oppressed his people.

The ACLU and other anti-Christian hate groups who believe that their right to overtly express and impose their bigotry against people of faith is a right that trumps Christian freedom of worship; have declared New Orleans' team the "Saints," to be offensive as they claim such a name is a flagrant violation of their mantra, "Separation of Church and State."

The gay community has deemed the Green Bay team name to be "offensive," "derogatory," and "homophobic."

Edgar Allen Poe's estate has declared that Baltimore should use their team name, "Never more."

After Atlanta's team took 20 parsecs to do the Kessel Run, Disney has declared that they are unworthy of the title "Falcons."

A nudist colony said that Chicago's team name made fun of naked people. When they had it explained to them that the spelling of "bears" is different from "bares" they used the same retort that Al Sharpton used about Pittsburgh's team that he claims depicted its minority players as thieves, "It may be spelled differently, but it sounds the same." Al Sharpton then went on a tirade about how the "Browns" is offensive to dark-skinned people. Incidentally, a waife rock band from the 1980s tried to sue Cincinnati over the team name, even though it was spelled differently.

PETA also chimed in about how offensive the Seahawks, Lions, Dolphins, Panthers, Eagles, Rams, Jaguars, Cardinals, Colts, and Broncos are to the animals they represent. PETA ignorantly proceeded to complain about the slaughtering of pigs to make the footballs.

The 49ers were declared offensive to those who can't count that high.

The Chargers were declared offensive to people who pay cash.

The Texans and Cowboys were both declared offensive by a bunch of female country singers who can't stop whining about their broken hearts and how terrible men are.

The Vikings, Titans, Chiefs, Raiders, and Buccaneers were declared offensive to those who have been killed by Vikings, Titans, Chiefs, Raiders, or Buccaneers. When the fascists who leveled these complaints on behalf of the deceased were told that the deceased will not complain; these pro-choice fascists responded, "We want to be a voice for the voiceless."

The "New York," part of the Giants and the Jets was declared offensive by the people of New Jersey who want their teams to reflect the location, location, location of where they play. After that, the Giants were declared offensive to extremely tall people. Then, the Puerto-Rican community became furious that the Jets share the same name with the racist rival gang who opposed Puerto-Ricans in "West Side Story."

Finally, in Obama's economy, "Bills" are offensive to everyone, since no one can afford to pay them.

Thus, the entire NFL has been declared bigoted and hateful, hence the sudden popularity of soccer in America.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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