Written by E. Williams
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Thursday, 19 June 2014

Washington, D.C. - The genealogical website of record has revealed that Lois Lerner, the embattled IRS employee at the center of a Tea Party targeting campaign who has been held in contempt of Congress, is related to a long line of magicians, illusionists and escape artists.

The latest revelation about Lerner's ancestry may explain how she was able to make incriminating emails between herself and other high ranking government officials disappear and her escape from ending up in handcuffs.

Mrs. Lerner has been found to have slept with David Copperfield, the famous illusionist, back in the 1980's and likely picked up some useful advice on how to make things disappear.

Lois turned out to be such a bitch, and not very good in bed, that Copperfield made their relationship disappear after just a few months.

In addition, Lerner's aunt Mabelle once was a lover to Harry Houdini, the world-famous escape artist who is known to have escaped from just about any pair of handcuffs ever put on him - and he didn't have a White House standing by, ready to unlock those handcuffs if he was ever unable to get out of them.

Going even further back in her family tree, Houdini's great-great-great-great grandfather, Ebenezer Longshanks Clark, is rumored to have made the Loch Ness Monster disappear in the 1700's. The bastard!

DNA testing of Lerner has revealed her ancestry to be 10% Whitey/Cracker, 25% Criminal, 30% Whore, and 35% Political Operative.

The witch is a master at making things go away. Hopefully, the next thing to disappear will be Lerner herself.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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