Written by Catchthisdrift
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Wednesday, 18 June 2014

image for Local Man Cuts Styrofoam Plate With Plastic Fork
Monty Creosote: "I've never seen such a thing."

A local Springfield man inadvertently cut through his styrofoam plate with a plastic fork yesterday while eating at a church potluck supper.

Monty Creosote was in the basement of the First Lutheran Church of Springfield eating during the church's annual "It's Summer Time" potluck dinner when the incident occurred.

Attendees of the potluck gathered around the seated Creosote to try to get a glimpse of the plate.

Said Creosote, "I know you have to be careful with knives when you're eating off a styrofoam plate, even plastic knives. But cutting through with a plastic fork? I've never heard of such a thing, and neither has anyone else I know."

Creosote was eating a piece of Salisbury steak which, he thought, was tender enough that he didn't need a knife. The Salisbury steak, in fact, was so tender that he could not only cut it with a fork, but the fork continued past the bottom of the piece of meat and cut into the plate itself. Creosote did not immediately realize he had wounded the plate. He noticed the gash moments later as he used a napkin to wipe the remaining contents of the plate into the trash. He intended to use the plate again for his selections from the dessert table.

"At first I tried to wipe it off. I thought it was something stuck to my plate. But when I looked closer, I could see Mildred Harper's flowered hat right through the hole. I knew something was wrong."

Church leadership gathered in a corner of the basement and quickly agreed that Mr. Creosote could get a new plate for dessert. Upon hearing their decision, church members as well as guests applauded and agreed that the use of a new plate was necessary, and not wasteful.

Creosote then commented that next time he'd be more careful.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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