Written by E. Williams
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Topics: email, CNN, missing plane

Saturday, 14 June 2014

Atlanta - CNN president, Jeff Zucker, has leaked information that shows the network is aware of what happened to two years of missing emails between embattled IRS operative, Lois Lerner, and various people in government, including the White House.

Zucker's explanation is quite simple: The emails were being transported on the missing Malaysian airliner that vanished earlier this year and not a trace of either the plane or the emails have been found so far.

It seems unlikely that, if the plane did indeed crash, any of the emails would have survived.

In the remote chance any emails did survive a crash landing in the ocean, it would be very difficult for searchers to spot them floating on the surface.

When asked why the emails were being transported by plane in the first place, rather than electronically, the usual manner of transport, Zucker was tight-lipped and would offer no specifics.

IT professionals and computer forensics experts we talked to claim that Zucker is full of shit and possibly mentally unstable in thinking such an idea as emails being flown on a plane is even possible.

However, they also admitted that for the time his network has devoted to the missing airliner story thus far, it is likely Zucker is not the smartest man in any room he's in.

Zucker also claims that Lois Lerner is distraught over the news of the missing email as she was looking forward to clearing her bad name.

We pressed Zucker on showing us any proof he had backing up his claims and he replied that he was pleading the fifth.

We then reminded him that this was not a court of law, that he had already told us so much already, and that he might just be bat-shit crazy.

Zucker told us that pleading the fifth after the fact worked for Lerner and it would work for him too.

We give up.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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