Austin, TX - The Texas State Board of Education has voted to make "Word A Day" toilet paper the core Language Arts course for Texas public high schools.
Some parents have voiced opposition to the change because Word A Day toilet paper is more expensive than regular toilet paper. Said one Lubbock father, "I'm already payin' a couple thousand bucks a year in property taxes to pay for them public schools. I don't know why I have to pay more for my kid to learn big words he ain't never gonna use. Plus, who the hell looks at every damn square when you unroll a wad to wipe yer ass?"
A group of Plano mothers marched in protest outside a local mall, mistaking it for a Plano high school. They were chanting "Learn in school, not on the stool!" However, the leader of the group did concede an advantage. Brandy Sue Cullpepper said, "I do suppose it'd help Samaustin get done quicker. He could get some of his homework done while he's takin' a crap." Samaustin Cullpepper is a 3rd-time junior at Plano's "We Ain't Quite Given Up On This Kid Yet But The World Needs Ditch-diggers" magnate high school.
Texas teacher's unions applauded the decision. The organization Texas Teachers Alternative Certification released a statement that said, "Most of the teechers can't spell them words. If we use the toilet paper then we don't have to give no tests and pretend to grade 'em."
The curriculum change will go into effect for the Fall 2014 semester.