Written by D P Whitehead
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Topics: self parody

Friday, 13 June 2014

image for Missing Wallet Found After Frantic Search That Included Swearing At Kids
Where the FUCK is it?

A South Florida man is celebrating this evening after finding his lost result after an extensive search which included driving to all the stores he had visited that day, kicking his cat, calling his wife "an idiot" and swearing at his children.

Duncan Whitehead, 47, of Fort Lauderdale was convinced he had mislaid his wallet, which contained not only cash, but credit cards and his driving license, due to the continual 'yibber yabbering' of his wife and kids during their shopping outing.

Harangued, exhausted and annoyed by not only other shoppers but his own family, Whitehead, was positive that he had either dropped his wallet or placed it down due to 'you noisy little fuckers'.

After several hours driving to and fro Walmart, Win-Dixie and manically checking and re-checking his pockets; the wallet was eventually found where he had left it, on the kitchen table.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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