WASHINGTON, DC--The Republican House today moved to impeach President Obama for lying about a parking ticket he received in 1984 while attending Columbia University. The young Barack Obama, at the time a student at Columbia majoring in Political Science and International Relations, reportedly received the parking ticket just outside his residence on West 109th Street.
Sources close to the House investigation moving toward articles of impeachment said Genevieve Cook, his girlfriend at the time, asked whether Obama had ever paid a parking ticket he received in February of that year, and he answered, "Yes, I--I think I paid that parking ticket toward the end of March." (Records show that the president, in fact, did pay the ticket but not until sometime in mid-April of that year.)
Thundered Speaker of the House John Boehner, "Not only did the President lie to Ms. Cook about whether he paid the parking ticket in 1984, he compounded his lie by lying about when he paid the parking ticket! If we can't trust the President about whether or not he paid a parking ticket in 1984, how can we trust what he says about Benghazi, Bowe Bergdahl, his place of birth, climate change, or the other critical issues facing the American people? This is an outrage!"
Sarah Palin also chimed in about the impeachment, dispensing her usual deep knowledge of American politics and history, telling the Drudge Report, "Only two presidents have ever been impeached in the anals of American history--Andrew Baines Johnson and William Madison Clinton--and both were Democrats. Isn't it interesting how often Democrats commit crimes that rise to the level of, as our Constitution specifies, 'treason, robbery, and high crimes and Miss Demeanors?'"
Added a clearly addled John McCain about the articles of impeachment, "Never before in the history of the United States have we ever had someone lie so often and so egregiously to the American people. Had the American people elected me back in . . . in . . . what year was that?"
The House is expected to move forward with the articles of impeachment in the hopes that, unlike the late 1990s when Bill Clinton was impeached for lying about his sex life among favorability ratings that were often fifty and above, the American people this time around will give a rat's ass what they do.