WASHING D.C. - A recent press release by Rep. David McKinley (R-WV) confirms that the republican controlled house has passed an amendment restricting the pentagon from using funds to investigate climate change. At the same time, senior republicans, fresh off primary victories, have unveiled a new republican logo, an Ostrich with its head buried in the sand.
Rep McKinley stated, "Why should Congress divert funds from the mission of our military and national security to support a political ideology." He continued, "Why should we really research anything? Last time I got tested for AIDS the test came back positive. NOW I HAVE AIDS. If I had never taken that test, I'd be fine today."
There has yet to be an official press release from any house democrat, but the so called "Blue Dogs" were seen high-fiving in the hallway while counting their big oil checks. Rep Jim Cooper (D-TN) was heard yelling, "Straight cash homey!"
The Elephant became the unofficial symbol of the republican party in 1874. Famed cartoonist Joe Thornesby's Harper's article pictures Lincolns head on an elephant body, sitting on the southern states. Since then, the Elephant has come to represent the fat, loud, stubborn Americans the party represents. The new logo will be the first time a major American party has used a bird as their symbol since 1940 when the democrats where "the 3 cocks".