Written by Jeff Brone
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Topics: Cigarettes, asbestos

Wednesday, 28 May 2014

A. Richland Moore recently announced that he was filing a lawsuit against several major companies because of his long fight with lung disease that he claims was caused by his addiction to asbestos cigarettes.

In the 1980s and 1990s Mr. Moore smoked a little known brand of cigarette that was made from 70% asbestos fibers. Called "Bestos!", the brand was eventually pulled from the market when allegations were made that the now bankrupt parent company was involved in animal testing. While Mr. Moore says that his disease isn't fatal, it is a "royal pain in the neck" and figures he deserves something.

Mr. Moore stated that "someone should have told him" what he was getting into. Since he doesn't know who that someone is, he figures that he'll just sue various companies and see who wants to pay him. He also added that he thinks there was something in the cigarettes that was extremely addictive, like heroin or pornography. Mr. Moore named three cigarette companies, two now bankrupt asbestos corporations, a dry cleaners and "Taste of Uruguay" restaurants as part of the lawsuit.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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