New proposals by the US Congress are set to reduce laws that discriminate against women that engage in slutty behaviour. The laws are set to pass following the gruesome shooting by Elliot Rodger, a 22 year old virgin that could just never get round to pounding the juice box.
Rodger admitted that his sexual frustration and constant urge to have intercourse had led him to these actions. US congressman have decided to act:
"It's time to put an end to this madness! For too long women have been teasing, tricking and blue balling guys in this country and it's time to put a stop to it", said one US congressman.
A US feminist group have released a campaign titled "Sex For Safety", which is encouraging young women to put out more to reduce gun violence. A member of the group spoke to your correspondent:
"It's time for change in America. Women now need to put out more, and actually sleep with a guy when they go home with him from a nightclub, rather than say the typical, 'I'm not that type of girl'"; it can drive a guy crazy and such cockteasing behaviour can have harmful consequences, as we've just seen."
This correspondent resides in the UK, where such gun violence is rarely an issue. After interviewing a few members of the public, it became clear why.
"They may not be the most attractive sheep in the flock, but British girls have sex like an Olympic sport", said a local man. "If Elliot Rodger just had one night out in Essex, imagine how many lives we could have saved".