Written by E. Williams
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Saturday, 24 May 2014

Philadelphia, PA - Although the site of the Democratic National Convention has not yet been determined, one bit of information has leaked out. The keynote speaker will be Chelsea Clinton's soon-to-be born child.

It is uncertain at this point if the child is male or female, or what his/her name will be, but the little tyke's political career will be launched whether they like it or not by the time their second birthday rolls around.

Debbie Wasserman-Schultz, head of the DNC, admitted that having the child, who will just be learning to speak at that time, be the keynote speaker just makes perfect sense.

The baby will just be babbling incoherently to most conservatives but Democrats will understand exactly what the child will be saying.

Early speculation is that the child will be pouting while addressing global cooling, global warming, climate change, or whatever other term the Democrats have decided to use by that time.

RNC chairman, Reince Priebus, admits it's a pretty shrewd move by the Democrats. "They'll probably pick up some sympathy votes for the cute factor and, let's face it, all the other Democrats speaking at the convention will sound just the same."

Priebus continued, "They all stand up there and whine, cry, and shit themselves while babbling on and on about crap that doesn't make any sense to most people anyway, so what's the difference?"

If the baby is cranky the evening of the speech and throws a fit on national television, it will be the usual fare for the convention.

Television networks have promised to display the baby's name on screen through the entirety of the speech so any viewers who tune in during the middle of it are not confused by thinking they are watching a speech by Harry Reid.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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