Washington, D.C. - President Obama sternly admitted that no one in the country is more outraged than he over the news coming out of the VA scandal where numerous veterans have lost their lives waiting for medical care. Nobody bought it, of course, but he still said it.
What the President meant to say was that if any of those responsible for denying care to veterans worked in the private sector, they would be punished to the fullest extent of the law.
Government workers who are found to have participated in criminal behavior will be severely punished by having their bonuses reduced by ten percent.
The President made it clear during his speech, which should end the scandal due to the very fact that he addressed the subject in a speech, that this type of misconduct cannot be tolerated in America.
While many federal employees are hard-working, any found to be involved in maintaining secret waiting lists will also have their time allotment of eight hours a day watching porn on the job reduced to only six allowable hours per day. It certainly appears the President is determined to put the fear of himself into his workers.
It is rumored that most federal employees would rather be sent to jail for any crimes they commit than endure the hellish working conditions the President is threatening to impose should any wrongdoing be uncovered.
Should any high-ranking officials be charged with any illegal activities related to the VA scandal, they will only become aware of it after reading about it in the press. This is the only way they have of finding out they have committed crimes and they are always the last to know.
At this time, Mr. Obama is working hard on getting to the bottom of the scandal by searching for solutions on golf courses around the country.