REDDING, CA - Police have one suspect in custody after an incident yesterday at Grace U-Save Baptist Church where church officials found what was believed to be a rat's ass in a collection plate following services Sunday morning. Pastor Bubba Bunch later announced that "the item was indeed a rat's ass, complete with tail. Fortunately, the cash was unharmed, thank God," he added.
Police spokesperson Valveeta Jackson identified the suspect as Bradford Stool, 43, of suburban Redding. Mr. Stool, owner of the now-defunct "Brad's House of Bacon", a local restaurant catering to Toyota Prius owners, was arrested after a short scuffle outside his plywood cabin. Several witnesses had reported that Stool, who is well-known around town as a "big stinking heathen," was spotted at the rear of the church clutching a paper bag and muttering obscenities. Church officials who approached Stool were driven back by the stench of burnt bacon.
According to police sources, after his arrest Mr. Stool confessed to planting the rodent derriere and expressed contempt for local citizens who have harassed him with accusations of 'not giving a rat's ass about God.' Apparently, Mr. Stool's motive for the crime was to prove them wrong.