Written by Wayne Davis
Rating:
Share/Bookmark
Print this

Friday, 16 May 2014

image for Eric Cantor: "Godzilla Scares Me"
Godzilla: The Ghost Of Cantor's Past!

House Majority Leader Eric Cantor told Hollywood Beat Magazine that he is indeed scared of Godzilla.

"He really frightens me" a subdued Cantor told reporter Holly Sue Robbins "After I saw Godzilla VS. Space Godzilla, I have nightmares".

Cantor went on to tell Robbins that he often "wet the bed" or had "wet dreams" after a full weekend Godzilla marathon back in the 1990's. "I was sooo high that weekend" Cantor recalled. "All I can remember is that roaring and buildings crashing".

The well known Jewish Neo-Con has made a few roars himself on the House floor, calling the President every name in the book and taking the term "Douche Bag" to new heights. "I know Godzilla is to blame for my fringe views and fear of anything non white".

Cantor also said he has a hard time being around Japanese people in times of stress. "The Japanses are like magnets for disaster" Cantor stated, "I stay as far away from them as possible". When asked if he would be seeing the new Godzilla out in theaters today, Cantor closed his eyes and shook his head no before vomiting on himself and running away to the magazine's mens room.

Make Wayne Davis's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!


More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story

Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 2 plus 2?

8 4 9 19
49 readers are online right now!

Go to top

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more