Written by Matt Birkenhauer
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Thursday, 15 May 2014

image for Betty J. Eadie, Author of Embraced by the Light, Has a Nearly Death Experience
"The soul is sort of like a light bulb."

BELLEVUE, WA-Betty J. Eadie, author of the NY Times best-seller Embraced by the Light, about her near death experience (NDE) at the age of 31, had a nearly death experience while she was out walking her Miniature Schnauzer, Angelina, last Thursday evening, around 7:00 pm. Apparently Ms. Eadie, who was texting her agent, did not see the UPS truck that was coming right at her at an intersection. She was struck by the truck and taken to the local hospital in Bellevue, where she was pronounced nearly, but not quite, dead.

While in her nearly death state, Ms. Eadie recounted seeing a Being, emanating a soft glow, as if lighted from within by some divine spark, who looked a like a cross between Jesus and the actor Jared Leto. Ms. Eadie recounted word for word what the Celestial Being said to her: "The soul is sort of like a light bulb. Not the glary ones that you might put in your garage so you don't trip over an old car battery. But more like one with a dimmer switch, like you might put in your dining room. It sets a certain atmosphere or ambiance that can activate the dimmer switches of those around it in the corporeal world, which in itself is really not corporeal but only seems so to those with human bodies when, for instance, they trip over an old car battery in their garage.

"The pain from such a fall is not real. You feel pain from such a fall because you expect or create in yourself the need for such pain. Your body, being corporeal, wants what's corporeal. And what could be more corporeal than a bruise? Cancer is the same way: Those who suffer from it attribute it to genetics and lifestyle, and they're partly right. But mostly cancer comes about because its victims desire the pain and agony that usually accompanies this debilitating disease. It's a way for them to grow, to grow into and come to an understanding of the incorporeal.

"And that's the real divine secret, isn't it? Growth? God wants all of his creation, from microbe to meerkat, to grow . . . . "

That's all Ms. Eadie could remember of the celestial sermon because at that point, according to one of the nurses attending her, her agent walked in to talk to her about the movie rights pending for her book Embraced by the Light, in the expectation that this news might jolt her out of her comatose state. On discovering that the movie rights to her book had been accepted by the same people who produced the blockbuster movie God's Not Dead, the 71 year old author is said to have immediately popped out of her coma, sat straight up, and asked, "How much are they offering? And can we get Charlize Theron to play me?"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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