Written by joseph k winter
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this

Wednesday, 14 May 2014

image for Karl Rove offers brain transfusion to Hillary Clinton from his own cranium
Mr. Rove's brain in current studies of flores crepitus

Mindful of the uproar over his recent comment that Hillary Clinton may have suffered brain damage from a fall back in December, 2012, Karl Rove clarified his position yesterday.

According to reps from his office he is merely worried--including concern over Hillary's age in 2016 at 69 and 77 by the end of a two term presidency--that she may not be suitable as a presidential candidate versus the GOP offering.

His concern has nothing to do with any ad hominem ploy, as suggested by various commentators and Mr. Rove's history in this respect.

Nor is he anxious that a Republican candidate in 2016 may be unable to overcome the power of a Hillary Clinton candidacy.

Instead of Mr. Rove's intending to diminish Ms. Clinton with this talk on possible brain-damage, he had a deeper and more noble purpose in mind, and wasn't sure how to go about it.

That is, he wants to offer aid to Hillary with a fluid transplant from his own brain!

Recent groundbreaking analysis in studies of the brain has revealed the importance of a certain fluid in the cisterna interpeduncularis, at the top of the brain stem.

This recently discovered fluid is known as flores crepitus, responsible for "hyper-active cerebral excretions," according to Dr. Penfield Slye of Johns Hopkins School of Medicine.

Mr. Rove's brain is capable of manufacturing abnormal amounts of this fluid, clearly relevant to his own intellectual activity.

Dr. Slye suggests this extraordinary capacity in Mr. Rove--i.e. the excess of flores crepitus--may have led to Mr. Rove's famous nickname: "turd blossom."

Johns Hopkins School of Medicine is pleased to announce yet another miracle of transplant therapy.

Using laser surgery it is now possible to extract sufficient quantities of this brain fluid and transplant it into another's brain.

According to Dr. Slye, "Mr. Rove has plenty to spare."

Mr. Rove's office explained that in his interests to protect the nation he is more than willing to offer a brain fluid transfusion, much in the way blood transfusion can save the life of somebody critically injured.

Ms. Clinton has responded to this generosity from Mr. Rove with the following comment:

"Right now I'm undecided."

This however did not mean undecided on whether to run for president in 2016.

Ms. Clinton's office further clarified what she meant.

She has not decided whether flores crepitus from Mr. Rove or a shot of cane syndrome distemperare* is more suitable to a presidential campaign.

(*cane syndrome distemperare is more commonly known as "distemper" or "mad dog syndrome.")

Ms. Clinton had one more comment:

"I'm told Mr. Rove's physiology offers both these effluvia, so I'm grateful for his offer and the opportunity."

Make joseph k winter's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this


Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 5 plus 3?

4 8 2 6

Go to top