Written by El Capitaz
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Wednesday, 14 May 2014

image for Secret Service Apologizes for Roughing-Up School Teachers, Staff
Not what he expected when he signed up...

FLOTUS Michelle Obama started a controversy when she published a picture of herself, with her trademark pout indicating displeasure, and holding a sign which read #bringbackourgirls. She was showing her support for the kidnapped Nigerian girls, unfortunately, she didn't tell that to the Secret Service.

Determined to head off the tantrum that usually follows when the FLOTUS starts pouting like that, after seeing the picture online, agents rushed to the school of first family daughters Malia and Sasha Obama, injuring several teachers and staff in their haste to whisk the girls back to the White House super-fast.

"Our agents are highly trained to deal with any emergency or contingency" a Secret Service spokesperson said, reading from a prepared statement. "but they are only human. Having experienced first-hand the tirades that follow when the First Lady starts pouting like that, they were desperate to get Malia and Sasha back home immediately. In their zealousness to complete their task, agents overreacted to questions from the school teachers and staff, knocking down several, and drawing their weapons on the school principal. We apologize."

One of the teachers in question, who asked to remain anonymous, (Mrs. Jones, 9th grade English teacher) said agents kicked in the door of her classroom during an exam.

"I stood up and said 'What's going on? How dare you barge into my classroom like this?' That's the last thing I remember. One of my students told me an agent hit me over the head with his gun, but all I remember is waking up with a headache."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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