Written by queen mudder
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Tuesday, 13 May 2014

image for Mayor De Blasio weighs in over Alec Baldwin 'cycling menace' brouhaha
Mayor de Blasio wants to ban all sombrero-wearing cyclists from Central Park

NYC - "Don't you know who the guy used to be?" was New York Mayor Bill de Blasio' s remark today at news of Alec Baldwin's cuffing on Fifth Avenue for guerrilla cycling stuff like a complete and utter dork.

"He almost ran against me for Mayor last November," de Blasio explained, "kinda sad nobody at NYPD could even recognise his face today."

By lunchtime hasbeen movie actor Alec Baldwin's brush with the law was the lead story in every East Coast update.

Local celebwatch site New York Toast even posted footage of Baldwin clapped in irons after cops stopped him 'just outside the Apple Store' peddling a brand new $50,000 UBX Mountin' Bike the wrong way up the famous Manhattan thoroughfare.

Meanwhile unsubstantiated reports allege a number of passers-by have sworn blind they heard someone whistling 'everybody must get stoned' as police patrols swooped on the Hollywood star who hasn't made a decent movie since A Streetcar Named Desire' in 1992.

"You can see why it's so important to ban those wretched whorse-and-cart operators from Central Park, can't you?" de Blasio added mysteriously.

Baldwin was ticketed and fined two hundred and fifty bucks.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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