Howard Moss was in for a surprise when he reported to the Bears rookie training camp as a right tackle this week. He was staring at the sign-in sheet that mentioned "Tickle Football", When something odd happened.What he thought was a simple typographical error was, in reality, the beginning of a very long nightmare.
"I was standing there trying to imagine what "tickle football" would be like when this trainer comes up behind me and starts tickling my armpits." Moss explained from the comfort of his apartment far away from the camp he thought would be the starting place for his Pro-football carreer.
"I'm like, "Dude? what the hell?" and he's like "Welcome to tickle camp!" in an authoritarian voice. OMG! "Tickle football" is a real thing!"
Tickle football is a real thing. In fact, it's the only type of professional football fans will see this season in response to mounting lawsuits by former players who have suffered brain injuries from regular old fashioned ball.
Football Commissioner Randy Spikes explains the new game this way: "Players line up in the usual way. The quarterback gets the ball and the defenders try to keep him from being tickled. Now a tickle doesn't necessarily mean you lose the ball. That only happens when the player with the ball drops the ball or cries "Uncle!" in response to being tickled. Other than that all of the rules of the old fashioned game of football apply."
The new Tickle football promises to be an even faster paced game than regular football as players, especially the more manly players, will go to any lengths to avoid being tickled. "After the ball is tossed you'll see players scattering in all directions trying to avoid being tickled."
Howard denied that he left after being humiliated when he wet his pants after a particularly intense tickling episode. "After two days, I just couldn't take it anymore." Moss said in explaining his sudden departure from camp. Siting instead the unusually frisky behavior of some of his fellow rookies. " There's some screwy stuff going on there. That's for sure. Especially when players continue the tickling after the game."