SAN ANTONIO (The Surreal Press) - When John Hanks, San Antonia resident and carpenter, arrived at work early yesterday morning he found his job had been stolen during the night. According to security tapes an unknown man entered the residential construction site at Hazel and Hickory and deleted Hanks' name from all paper work.
The unknown man, believed to be an immigrant, then substituted his own details, replaced Hanks' locker contents and started studying blueprints for the semi-detached homes Hanks had been working on.
"When I showed up for work I saw another man doing my job. I told him to clear off but he said he was 'the new guy'. I spoke with my foreman and he said I didn't have a job no more as they only needed one guy," a disheartened Hanks commented.
Hanks reported the theft to local police who are investigating the matter. Police spokesman Mark Roberts refused to comment on any ongoing investigation.
Dr Henderson, a professor of Economics at the University of Texas at San Antonio, explained the economic reality of immigration:
"In the US economy we have a set number of jobs -- currently there are 197,543,194 jobs -- and when we admit an immigrant, the only way he can work is if someone else, an American, gives up his job. Now in this case, unfortunately, it wasn't consensual so it's a bit more complicated. Of course it should be pointed out that children will also eventually "steal" our jobs when the become adults and enter the work force. We should be looking at policies to deport children to other countries to steal their jobs, so the American economy can continue to grow."
Dr Henderson's comments will be small comfort to Hanks, for whom the professor's economic theories are a reality.