In a bold move signaling his dedication to pushing through his agenda in his remaining time in office, President Obama's Press Secretary announced today the signing of a new Executive Order, dubbed "Governmental Reorganization to Provide Economic Incentives to Combat Racism via the NBA". Insiders are calling it "The Sterling Plan"
Flanked by key administration allies such as Charlie Rangel, Al Sharpton and Irvin "Magic" Johnson, no questions were permitted after the reading of the announcement.
First there was a brief introduction, the Press Secretary got right to business.
"After a careful review by the Department of Justice, Attorney General Eric Holder has announced that it will be legal to replace the former constitution of the United States, an outdated document, with the Constitution of the National Basketball Association. " He said.
"The President was inspired by the swift, decisive action taken against condemned and convicted racist Donald Sterling" he continued, the ease with which public opinion was manipulated and certain demographic blocks were whipped into a mob-like frenzy, and he wants the same power. Henceforth by executive decree he shall now be known as the Commissioner of the USA, and the Governor of each state shall own the exclusive franchise rights to that state. The NSA recordings of everybody's non-private arguments with their spouse or lover will hereafter be legally admissible evidence in the court of public opinion, which now supersedes the Supreme Court".
Despite the unusual nature of the changes announced, the reporters in attendance seemed lethargic, until Carey announced the first target of the new executive order.
"To introduce the new constitution and demonstrate its implementation, under the power it grants, Commissioner Obama announces that Senator Rand Paul is hereby found guilty of Libertarian Thought in the court of public opinion and is to be 'Sterlinged'--banned from the US Government for life. Senator Rand is to pay a fine of 250 billion dollars, the maximum amount allowed under the New Constitution, and he is urged to sell his Senate seat to the highest bidder named Jesse Jackson Jr. See Mayor Emanuel for details on that."