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Wednesday, 30 April 2014

image for 9 Year Old Arrested For Faking Her Continued Belief In Santa Claus
A packet of ketchup: a boring but useful Christmas present.

Huntington, W.Va. - A local nine year old girl was arrested yesterday after her parents realized the girl had been faking her belief in Santa Claus as a ruse to get more Christmas presents, and to ensure that the presents she received were more fun.

Nine year old Brandy Sue Coaltrain was arrested by Huntington police, transported to the police station and booked on charges of misdemeanor "Misrepresenting Belief In A Holiday Character." Ms. Coaltrain was released after her maternal grandmother posted her $1000 bond.

Detective Cletus Inbreeding said that Ms. Coaltrain could have been charged with the more serious felony "Misrepresenting Belief In A Major Holiday Character" but after conferring with the District Attorney, it was decided that the misdemeanor charge was sufficient to make the point.

Said Inbreeding, "I'm a parent myself. I know how these kids think. They believe that if they let us know they don't believe in Santa Claus anymore, they won't get as many fun toys for Christmas." Inbreeding paused, then continued, "You know, she's probably right. Once I know one of my kids doesn't believe in Santa anymore, he starts to get more clothes and socks and stuff. We give him things he already needs but we disguise it as a Christmas gift."

Ms. Coaltrain's parents, Randy and Trixie Coaltrain, expressed shock and betrayal over the situation. Said Randy Coaltrain, "I can't believe she did this. She stopped believing in Santa Claus sometime last year, but didn't let on so she'd get more toys and not have to start getting boring presents like a work permit or vaccinations."

Brandy Sue Coaltrain's arraignment is set for Monday May 26th.

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