Written by Felix Minderbinder
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Tuesday, 14 November 2006

image for George Bush Demands Private Viewing of Britney-Kevin Sex Tape
The world's most expensive video tape

WASHINGTON (AP) - President George Bush has declared that the Britney Spears-Kevin Federline sex tape is "a security risk" and has demanded that he and Dick Cheney and other selected Republicans be allowed to view it.

"It is vital to national security that our government leaders view that tape as soon as possible," Bush told a packed White House news conference. "That tape threatens to erode the wholesome image of the United States throughout the world. We simply cannot allow that tape to fall into the hands of terrorists."

The 4-hour sex tape was shot in 2004 during the couple's honeymoon and is now at the center of a messy divorce case.

Bush added, "Watching that tape will help Homeland Security fight terrorism. Since I am a lame duck president now, I don't have much of anything to do anyway."

Federline is trying to sell the tape for millions of dollars unless Britney gives him custody of their kids and massive multi-million dollar support payments. Fed-Ex's musical career being what it is, the tape is about the only thing he has to score with big-time.

Federline has already been offered $40 million for the tape, and a film company wants to make it available online to fans around the world. The risqué footage could destroy Britney's wholesome image unless she bows to his demands for a $25 million payoff and custody of their children.

Upon hearing of Bush's demands to watch the sex tape, Federline offered to sell it to the US government for $80 million.

Bush then threatened to have Federline charged with extortion, terrorism, and other heinous crimes.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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