Written by E. Williams
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Saturday, 26 April 2014

Washington, D.C. - As tensions continue to escalate between Russia and Ukraine, Russian President Putin has ordered his fighter jet pilots to flirt with crossing into Ukrainian airspace to tempt a response from the smaller country.

In response, President Obama has assured the Ukrainians that the United States has their back and, to prove it, he has ordered Maverick from the hit 80's movie "Top Gun" to patrol the region.

Maverick, played in the blockbuster movie by actor Tom Cruise, requested that his partner Goose, who died in the movie, be brought in to join him in the mission.

When asked by the President if he would rather have Iceman fly alongside him for the mission, Cruise replied, "No, he was a dick back then and I don't need his smart ass remarks in my ear every five seconds on this one."

Although Maverick nor Goose have no real-life flight experience, Obama felt their star power, combined with the 80's nostalgia factor of when Americans were bad asses, would strike fear into the Russian pilots and they would back off.

Cruise immediately left the set of his latest action movie after receiving the phone call from the President. "I feel the need…the need for speed!" he shouted as he stepped into his waiting limo. His limo driver slowly shook his head while rolling his eyes.

Cruise was to meet his old friend at a local Papa John's, where Goose is currently a delivery driver since his gig on ER ended, before heading overseas.

Ironically, Goose still uses the same famous catchphrase when heading out the door to make each pizza delivery.

President Obama said that if the Top Gun mission was not successful he would enlist the help of Stallone, Schwarzenegger and Jean-Claude Van Damme, all of whom had success against the Red Menace during the 80's.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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