Written by queen mudder
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Friday, 25 April 2014

image for Cheerleaders' manual claims tampons trigger vaginal fungus
No fanny fungus here, chaps

Orchard Park, New York - An intimate guide to cheerleaders' personal hygiene has been branded a pile of sexist bollocks after claiming tampons carry ugly microbes and cause fungal infestations similar to Serpula lacrymans, a.k.a. dry rot.

The Buffalo Jills Intimate Hygiene Primer forms Exhibit A in a civil action filed at the State Supreme Court by five former cheerleaders previously hired by the Buffalo Bills.

Disgruntled Jills are suing for back pay and compensation for ludicrous petty rules including instructions on keeping their crown Jewels fresh-as-a-daisy.

Their testimony brands the handy official guide to spotting early signs of 'fanny rot' as obsessive misogynist mushroom paranoia and an affront to cheerleading sensibility.

Depositions seen this weekend by NewsCorpse stringers claim the authors of the stupid guidebook once failed a Candida vulgaris test after infected swabs from some NFL player's underpants got mixed up in an internal review.

"A series of graphic illustrations show a colony of teensy Destroying Angel mushrooms gestating inside some poor cow's snatch, Your Honor," the plaintiffs' attorney-at-law Sue Yerassoff said this evening.

The Buffalo Bills' lawyer is 69.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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