Written by Keith Shirey
Print this

Wednesday, 23 April 2014

image for Cardinal Searches For Condoms At 7-11's

Sunday, On National Television, Cardinal Timothy Dolan of New York said, "Contraceptives, that are now widely available -- my Lord, all you have to do is walk into a 7-11 or any shop on any street in America and have access to them -- is that right to access those and have them paid for, is that such a towering good that it would suffocate the rights of conscience?"

But MSNBC TV commentator Rachael Maddow disagreed about their easy availability.

Said Maddow, "While 7-Eleven has a lot of what you need on any given day -- beer, Slurpees, taquitos -- do yourself the favor of not walking into your local 7-Eleven and asking them to fit you with an IUD, and if you do know somebody who says they get their birth control pills from 7-Eleven, that probably explains why they have super fresh breath but also elevendy-hundred children."

In order to gain evidence to respond, the Cardinal ordered his limousine to drive all over New York City to find a 7-11 that carried contraceptives. After a futile search of 15 stores his Eminence gave up and returned to his residence losing his usual smug, self-satisfied expression.

Make Keith Shirey's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story


Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!


What's 5 multiplied by 5?

5 25 16 13
55 readers are online right now!

Go to top

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more