Written by Bureau
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Topics: Dogs, Local

Wednesday, 23 April 2014

image for Local Man Killed By Farts At Dog Races
He told me he got turpentined!

A local man from Orlando, Florida has cashed in his chips, hit the big one. He was Harry Poltus but most people just called him Doug. No one knows why.

Doug had been betting on the dog races all his life and had developed a system where he would win most of the time.

Just as the dogs came around the final bend, Doug's dog would sudden put on an extra burst of speed and win.

Well, the bookies couldn't let this go unchallenged so they sent a lady friend who cuddled with Doug until he finally told her his secret.

"The secret to winning a lot of dog races is to practice, practice, practice with the pea shooter till you can hit a small hole. Then get a seat right near the last turn and casually slip out some little pellets filled with hot sauce and turpentine. Pop and boy does he get going. Usually runs clear past the end."

So at the next race, Doug was ready, but just as he loaded up his pea-shooter, the two guys, one on each side farted. Then they goosed Doug who inhaled the turpentine and hot sauce, three full loads.

Doug started running toward the concession stand but the two big guys kept getting in his way until he had a massive heart attack.

By the way. Never try this in Florida. They're onto it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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