Written by Bureau
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Topics: Death

Tuesday, 22 April 2014

"I'd kill myself if it would work but I've tried it 12 times and it didn't work...and I'm only 501!"

Russell Breckinridge says that in the early 1500s he accidentally fell off a cliff and right into the liar of a Leprechaun.

He gave me three wishes and I first wanted a beautiful woman, which was great for the first five years but developed "Hairy Warts Syndrome" and he had to run off from her. He still sees her now and then but she's 100 years old and stooped and doesn't recognize him.

"I was more care with my second wish and since I was old, I asked for a younger body and 1,000 year lifetime. Then, I wished for a lot of money."

Breckinridge came alive again and had everything he wanted but watched all his friends die of wars and old age and disease and now he's just bored.

He says he's done it all. That the more things he tried, the more he was bored.

"I tried acting, writing novels, collecting things, staying for weeks at bars, none of it has worked. Even sex with my new bride is getting me down."

"Yep, plenty of sex was my last wish and I should have known. I got more positions than the ancient Chinese and nothing!"

Breckinridge says he may now try the old Rip Van Winkle thing of sleeping for a hundred years.

"Maybe my final 200 won't be so bad."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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