Written by joseph k winter
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Monday, 21 April 2014

image for The President's manhood problem leads to new research project plus numerous denials and clarifications
Mr. Bush was NOT signing new anatomical requirements for the presidency at this particular ceremony

When Mr. Brooks of The New York Times remarked that Mr. Obama "has a manhood problem in the Middle East," the globe took on a listening attitude . . . prior to the uproar.

Mr. Obama's State Department immediately rushed forward to remind that Ms. Nuland recently used the demonstratively male word "f-ck" in her riposte against the EU (as in "f-ck the EU").

Was it not this sort of action in Kiev that led to the sterling and muscular leadership of Arseniy "Yats" Yatsenyuk?

Mr. Kerry's office asserted this action indeed showed "b-lls." But later this term was denied (a problem of "misspoke") with "courageous diplomacy" substituted.

Meanwhile, American neo-conservatives are suggesting the President needs to field troops to Ukraine plus show more machismo in general to parry this slight to his dignity.

Mr. McCain's office concurs. Mr. McCain has reminded of the old adage from Teddy Roosevelt that a president must "speak softly and carry a big stick."

Pursued on his "twig" application to Mr. Obama versus the properly more massive "big stick," Mr. McCain's spokesperson insisted the senator was not referring to anybody's anatomy.

Astoundingly, a new research group has leaped into the business of measuring anatomical strengths of presidents and other world leaders down through the years.

A spokesperson for Mr. Brooks insists he was not thinking in specific physical terms with his comment that the president has "a manhood problem."

Nevertheless, there is lingering interest in the public mind as to whether size actually does mean something in terms of manly strength to impress the globe as a real leader.

The appendage in question would need to be proportionally matched to the underlying and supportive carriage system for the structure overall.

Mrs. Obama has indicated she will not comment at this time on these matters.

But already a vast research effort using numerous search engines has swung into action with keen interest in which American president could possibly lead in this anatomical department.

Research has already confirmed that "standard" and "average" do NOT apply to overall measurements down through the years in the presidential manhood department.

According to unspecified Harvard professors studying the problem, overall presidential measurements "run larger than your average male specimen."

One of these professors indicated that, due to the president's power while in office there may be a gradual but steady increase in overall mass of the appendages.

Another professor added cautiously that as to the opposite effect--shrinkage--that thesis has not yet been studied.

Instead, the tendency is toward larger as we move into modern times and the new century.

So that miniscule as an option on the overall length and mass indexes being developed is not likely in today's politics.

Mr. Brooks had no response to this interpretation.

Ms. Lewinsky and Ms. Clinton have also declined commentary on this matter at this time, although both are reported working on books due out early this summer.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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