Written by D P Whitehead
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Friday, 18 April 2014

image for Chelsea Clinton Pregnant With the anti-Christ
Bill Clinton Junior

Chelsea Clinton, the 34-year-old daughter of former wife cheater President Clinton and ex-Secretary of State and forgiving wife Hillary Rodham Clinton, announced Thursday that she and her husband, Marc Mezvinsky, are expecting the anti-Christ.

There has been wide speculation about a future baby in the Clinton family. Chelsea Clinton said in an interview with Glamour magazine last year that she and her husband were "performing devil based rituals, voodoo, bathing in virgin blood and slaughtering goats hoping to have Satan impregnate her with the 'beast', calling 2014 "the year of the horned child."

"Marc and I are very excited that we have Satan's first child arriving later this year, June 6th to be exact, and I certainly feel all the better whether it's a girl or a boy (its a boy) that she or he (it will be a he)will grow up in a world with so many strong female leaders, secret devil worshippers, fallen angels and the opportunity to one day follow in his Grandfather's footprints (and his father's hoof prints) to one day lead the world." Clinton said in New York, joined by a shadowy figure dressed in black who only identified himself as "The Dark".

The former first lady, secretary of state and New York senator, who is considering another presidential campaign in 2016, said she was "really excited" about becoming a grandmother but also clarified that she was 'definitely not a lesbian' - despite the question not being asked.

"It makes this work even more important because we've made a lot of progress," Clinton said. "I want to see us keep moving and certainly for future generations as well so that maybe our grandchild will destroy the earth and claim the planet for Lucifer."

She later added on Twitter: "My most exciting title yet: Grandmother-To-Be (but not a lesbian!)"

The former president also expressed jubilation about the news on Twitter: "Excited to add a new line to my Twitter bio...step grandfather-to-be for Satan's child! @HillaryClinton (who is not a lesbian) and I are so happy for Chelsea and Marc and The Devil!"

Preparations for the new baby will coincide with Hillary Clinton's deliberations over another campaign for the White House. Mrs. Clinton is set to release a book about her time at the State Department in June, followed by a book tour, and Democrats hope she will be a top surrogate for their candidates in the 2014 midterm elections. The working title of the book has been revealed to be "I am certainly NOT a lesbian."

The former secretary of state is expected to announce her decision later this year and polls show her as the leading contender for the Democratic Party's nomination if she runs. If Clinton seeks the White House, her campaign would potentially coincide with her grandchild's first two years of global mayhem and destruction.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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